Burning The Souffle

"A Woman Happily In Love, She Burns The Souffle"

Frozen Pop September 17, 2008

Filed under: the world around me — Rachel @ 9:21 am

Over the course of the last several months, I’ve been hearing a lot of stories about people suing sperm donors for child support, or children trying to find their biological sperm donor fathers, etc.  These people seem to feel like the sperm donors have done them a great injustice, they claim that they “owe” them something.

And my response is: “HUHHH?”

Ok, first of all let me explain that this post is about sperm donors, you know, the ones that went to the sperm bank, uh, did what they had to do, and left. Not the men that had sex with a woman, and then skipped out. There is a huge difference. Sex is between two people, it takes two to tango there. A sperm donor, on the other hand, is just someone who was generous enough to give you the DNA to exsist. No more, no less. I mean, it is not as if the donor picks who (if anyone) uses his sperm. The woman who chose to be artificially inseminated did. That is just it. The woman chose to have a child by this route. It’s not two people choosing to do something that they know has the chance of producing a child. This is a woman going out, paying money to have a child with this donor sperm, on the intention of getting pregnant. I mean, this is not something you do for kicks. This is an expensive process. Emotionally and Financially.

Don’t get me wrong though, I am in no way, shape, form, or fashion opposed to sperm donation or artificial insemination. I think that both of these are wonderful things that allow a woman or a couple that wouldn’t otherwise be able to reproduce have what, in my mind, is one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) joys in life-children.

Maybe I am wrong, after all, I don’t know that much about this.  I am just a bystander. I just don’t think that you can expect someone who DONATED something (yes, I am well aware that sperm donors are compensated finanically, but to me that does not change anything) to have to support what came of their donation. In my mind, this is sort of the same as if someone donated you a kidney and you expected them to pay your water bill because hey, the kidney they gave you enabled you to pee in the toilet, and flushing that toilet uses water, which costs money.

I just don’t get it.

What do you think?

Can mothers of sperm donor offspring ask for child support?

Should the biological children of a sperm donor be allowed to seek out their biological father?


2 Responses to “Frozen Pop”

  1. Beagoodmom Says:

    My three kids are from a sperm daddy. BAGD and I are pretty public about the fact that we used IVF and frozen donor sperm. We learned alot during the whole thing, one of which is that a sperm donor does not just come in, make a deposit, get $25 and leave. For our sperm bank at least, they had to undergoe psych testing, medical exam and commit to a regular schedule of donations for a certain amount of time. They also asked the guys why they did it, and their answers were listed on their profile. Some said they knew an infertile couple and wanted to help someone else, some said money, some said just altruism . The profile also asked “if current laws were to change, would you be interested in meeting the children” most said no. I remember that specifically, because I remember thinking……I don’t really want to meet you either…but thanks for what you did….really, a world of thanks…. I should probably pay you….except that I just paid the sperm bank $600 for a vial of your finest and I am a bit tapped out, considering this is our 5th vial….you are sure there are swimmers in here….right?

    I think anyone who would demand support from a true medical sperm donor (not a deadbeat dad) is wrong. In fact, i wonder if one of those oodles and oodles of papers we signed at the time waived our right (and our kids right) to do so.

    Its a complex question, since the kids never get a choice. But if society allows some sort of liability to be traced back to the sperm donor, then the whole system would collapse. I assume the courts will continue to protect sperm donors, they should.

  2. Rachel Says:

    Thanks for your comment, BAGM, I appreciate hearing from someone who has been through this personally.

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