Last night I was blue.
D and I fell asleep ( napping) sometime around 6, and then I woke up around 6:30 crying. I’m still not sure WHY I was crying, but I felt like I was about to fly into 1000s of tiny pieces. This doesn’t happen to me much, but I really can’t stand it when it does. I’m not sure what brings it on. Maybe I was hormonal because of my period. Maybe it was because it was the end of the weekend (school kind of stressful this week), maybe it was because I hadn’t slept enough all weekend. I don’t know. I hate being that way. It makes me feel so helpless, like I’m not fully in control of my emotions. D made me feel better. He stroked my hair and told me it would be ok. He drove me around for awhile in the truck because I thought I would explode if I stayed inside.
So I’m still not sure what happened. I’ve had problems with depression since I was 12. Bad episode at 12, better for several years, bad again at 17, then….nothing….I’ve been fine since then. I think this was probably caused by not sleeping enough. I really didn’t have much “downtime” this weekend. I had a terrific weekend though, so this is why I’m so puzzled about this. It wasn’t like I had anything to be “sad” about. I went to sleep and woke up feeling perfect.