Burning The Souffle

"A Woman Happily In Love, She Burns The Souffle"

Well, I Don’t Have Any Children…. December 31, 2008

Filed under: the internets is cheaper than therapy — Rachel @ 11:39 pm

As you all know, I do not have any children.  At this point in my life, children sort of seem like  zoo animals.  Fun to watch and maybe even get to play with for awhile, but mainly, a relief that I am not saddled with that sort of responsibility (yet). Obviously, from what I am studying in college, I enjoy children very much, but those are other people’s children, not my own.  I get the fun of hearing them say funny/endearing (heavy on the funny) things and then sending them out the door at the end of the day.

That all being said, I need SOMEONE to project that mothering instinct onto.

So I have Mayzie-Jane.

I have more pictures of that 7 year old mutt on my phone than I do of any people. Ditto for the digital camera.  I am not interested in having a stranger give me a pedicure ( hate having my feet touched, can paint my nails and buff my feet just as well as anyone else can, being that those are skills that do not require you to know math).  So, while I may not pay to have a pedicure for myself, OF COURSE I will pay for Mayzie-Jane to have one.  Actually, I do own a pair of dog nail clippers, but before I even touched them to her nails, she started yelping, she must have instinctively known how grossly inadequate I would be at the whole process.

So yesterday, I sent Miss Mayzie off to the groomers for a bath and pedicure. This entails leaving her there for a few hours…only a few short hours.

Well, I got into the car and felt like a complete sack of shit, seeing the whole thing from her point of view.  Imagine, your favorite person in the whole world asks you if you want to go for a ride in the car, which for some reason is one of your all time favorite activities…they take you, playing music on the stereo, chatting with you…and then they pull up somewhere…somewhere that you already know is most decidedly a real pain in the ass to be.  They pull you in the door, and then they LEAVE you there, to have your two LEAST favorite things done to you.

So I walked around the house for the rest of the day, sighing, and pacing nervously. Honestly.  You would have thought I’d sent my nearest and dearest to go have teeth pulled without an anesthetic, not sent my dog to the groomer’s to have a bath and pedicure.

All was forgiven though, when I went to pick her up. She looked almost pleased with herself, and so cute with a little green bandanna tied around her neck. (A bandanna which I am sure she wishes she had had the forethought to destroy, because now I’m making her wear it constantly.)

Anyway, I can already tell I’m going to be horrid when I have children and have to leave them with a sitter or something.

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