Burning The Souffle

"A Woman Happily In Love, She Burns The Souffle"

Damn It February 12, 2009

I try not to feel guilty about many things,  and honestly, I don’t.

There is no point in it, and I always know that even if I didn’t make the best decision at a certain point in time, that it is ok, because I can learn from it.

However, there are a few things that, while I don’t feel guilty about them, I wish that I had the guts to be more upfront about them, and then I end up feeling guilty because I wasn’t upfront with them in the first place.

For example: I had a friend that I met a few years ago, and we were good friends for awhile.  I mean, this wasn’t like “talk everyday, hang out all the time” friend, but a friend that was good for hanging out with sometimes. I don’t know, I guess at the peak of our friendship we might have hung out once or twice a week, but I really could not say.

Anyway, this certain friend started giving me grief a few months ago, and I chose to end the friendship. Only I did not say “I can’t be friends with you anymore, I’m sorry.”  because I thought it sounded childish.

So, I just quit talking, calling, texting, etc.  Which, I realize now, was childish.

I don’t know, I hate causing “drama” so that is why I did not come out and say anything.  I guess there is no nice way to break off a friendship, and I am not sure why this is considered so societally unacceptable.

Think about it, really, it is.  Saying “We are not friends anymore” is considered childish, a middle school girl’s threat. But honestly, who among us hasn’t had a friendship that just wasn’t working out anymore?

I am sure that the majority of  us do the same thing that I did- just stop communicating.

Somehow, we think that is more polite.  But think about it- is it really?

I don’t think so. Sure, it might cause less hurt feelings initially, but really, it’s not a clean break.  And the party at fault (ok, maybe not at fault, but the person that is being essentially dropped) still doesn’t know why you feel that way.

I’m not sure what the best solution for any of this would be, because really, you are between a rock and a hard place either way.

What do you think? Just stop talking or let them know exactly why you are choosing to end that friendship?

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2 Responses to “Damn It”

  1. AZ Mom Says:

    as someone who is likely on the recieving end of a similar situation over here, i have to say that there really isn’t an easy way to say, “hey girlfriend, i’m just not that into you.” on the recieving end of the silence, i’ve just said the universe, “be good to her. i’m moving on.” because really, that’s all i can do, and it’s all i would hope the universe would do for me. how mature someone is in the scenario is up to the individual. you made a very mature decision. you took care of yourself. without bringing this person down or tearing them down. sorry i don’t have a better suggestion, Rachel. chances are, she might just feel like she’s missing out on a chance to be friends with someone really great. and that isn’t to add any guilt. i have a friend who has suggested to me that sometimes we have to be the example of friendship for other women. some may look up to that, others may look down. but in your heart you will be true to yourself. and in the end, the universe will answer in kind. now, go hug on D. 🙂 he’s likely the very reason why trite relationships are just so not YOU.

  2. Rachel Says:

    Thanks AZ Mom, that really does make me feel better. I’ve wondered if I did the right thing, but I think I did.
    You are right, D is much of the reason why I could not tolerate it anymore, this particular friend (who, actually is male, LOL) was just taking advantage of our friendship (or so I thought) and I just got tired of feeling used and abused. D really did help me to see that true friends don’t say nasty things (even in “joking”) to one another, and they certainly do not prey on another person’s weak points, so I feel good about ending the friendship, but am starting to feel better about the way I did it. They still haven’t fully “gotten it”, I don’t think, but I think the more time that passes, the more the whole thing will just be forgotten.


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