Burning The Souffle

"A Woman Happily In Love, She Burns The Souffle"

Coming Soon To A State Near You…. June 30, 2009

Filed under: the world around me — Rachel @ 11:26 am

I’ve always wanted to see all 50 states.    Here is a list of all the states I’ve visited:

1. Tennessee (born here, lived here entire life)

2. Kentucky

3. Georgia

4. Alabama

5. Florida

6. West Virginia

7. Maryland

8. Illinois

9. Pennsylvania

10.  New Jersey

11. New York

12. Virginia

So, so far I’ve seen a little more than 1/5 of the states.  I want to work in some more this summer. Some states I think I can feasibly go to this summer are:

1. Mississippi. It’s not that far, and we have family in Memphis, so  I’m not terribly sure why I’ve never been there before?

2.  Arkansas. Again, not that far.

3. Missouri. Not too far and there are some interesting things there, like St. Louis and the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum.

4. North Carolina (I’ll for sure be passing through here in the fall)

5. South Carolina (Ditto, I’ll be going here in the fall too.)

So if I visit all those states this year, I will have seen 17 states, not too bad.

The states I want to visit MOST( but probably won’t get there THIS summer) are:

1. Washington State

2. Oregon

3. Hawaii

Some interesting places I want to visit soon:

1. Washington D.C.-I would LOVE to go here and I’ve never been. It actually wouldn’t make a bad road trip though….I really would love to see the Smithsonian. And of course the White House.

2. Chicago, IL-Again, it wouldn’t be a bad road trip (Closer than D.C.) and there are lots of things I would like to see…and D has really been wanting to take me to a baseball game (yeah, I’ve never been, it’s not a big thing around here)…so maybe I could persuade D into taking a road trip soon….

3.  The beach…ok, so I’ve been to the beach too many times to count, but who doesn’t want to go to the beach?!

4. The Corvette Plant in KY. Vroom vroom.

5.  The Smoky Mountains…this is in my home state, and yet I have never been there, a for sure must do on my list.

There are many, many, MANY more places and states I want to visit, but these are the ones that I want to get to soon.

Where have you been?

Where are you going this summer?


Today… June 29, 2009

Filed under: life is flippin suh-weet,Uncategorized — Rachel @ 7:04 pm

We have had beautiful weather.


I Need To Write My Own Prescription

Filed under: the world around me,well shit — Rachel @ 1:54 pm

I went to the doctor today for what I think is some sort of spider bite.

The doctor agreed,  saying that there was no way to know for sure what got ahold of me, but some sort of creepy crawly. (Creepy-crawlies are rampant in Tennessee, home to 2 kinds of poisonous spiders (black widows and brown recluses), four kinds of poisonous snakes (including a type of rattlesnake), bees, wasps, hornets,  two kinds of scorpions, fireants, stinging caterpillars, and conenose beetles. Want to come visit me?)

Don’t get me wrong, I am greatful for the antibiotic prescription for the bite (which he said was getting infected) but it is slightly irritating to me that I had to pay a $25 co-pay and then be examined for approximately 45 seconds to be told that it indeed was some sort of insect bite (or sting, he said it could have been a sting, but I don’t remember being stung recently), and that I needed to take some antibiotics and allergy medicine, along with putting neosporin on it.

I mean, I already had been taking benadryl. I already put neosporin on it.  All I needed was the prescription.  (And ok, having the doctor look at it got my mom off my back about it, she was worried about it.)

So, I have arrived at the conclusion that I just need my own prescription pad…..and a medical degree to know which prescriptions to write.


Don’t Worry, I Know Where He Sleeps June 28, 2009

Filed under: the internets is cheaper than therapy — Rachel @ 10:03 pm

Today was hot. And humid. Not that that is out of the ordinary in Tennessee, but it was hot.

D and I decided to cool off by taking a dip in the pool.

Did I ever tell you that D loves to play all kinds of tricks?

I was happily swimming in the pool, when D all of a sudden STOPS and says “Uh-Oh, I think we have a problem.” This should have alerted me to the fact that he was about to pull some stunt, but you know, being the ever trusting individual that I am, I swam over to see what was the matter. “What’s wrong?” I asked, using my most concerned voice. “Something weird on the bottom of the pool, don’t worry, I’ll get it and see what it is.” he replied, using an equally concerned voice, another clue which should have alerted me to the fact that something fishy was going on, because I should know by now that D does not give a shit about what is on the bottom of the pool. As long as the water’s cool, he’s happy.  I on the other hand, am always unconvinced that the cloudiness of the water is really caused by the messed up sand filter, and instead caused by something more sinister. (I’ve never quite figured out what, but I know it is not good.)

So D goes down to the bottom of the pool, and brings something up in his hand. Something that DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.  Something WITH A TAIL. “It’s a dead mouse!” D yells, rather gleefully.

By this time, I am heading for the pool ladder, with D close behind me.  He grabs me and turns me around, waving it in my face.

I scream bloody murder.

D starts laughing so hard he turns purple.

It was a fucking SEED POD from one of the stupid bushes by the pool.

Oh D, you are so getting it. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but I will get you back.

Maybe you should sleep with one eye open!!!!!!

I have to admit though, it was a pretty good trick. The seed pods are long and round with a “tail” that attatches them to the bush, and they do look a lot like a mouse.

Ok D, good trick, but maybe you should still consider sleeping with one eye open.


I Don’t Think I Got My Money’s Worth…. June 27, 2009

What would YOU do if you suspected someone was talking about your, um decolletage, IN FRONT OF YOU?

I shall set the scene for you.

D and I attended a party recently, and a woman was there that I do not particularly care for. I am always nice and civil to her when I actually see her (which is truly not often) but she does not seem to like me. It’s fine, I don’t like everyone, everyone is not going to like me, I really don’t care. I’m not sure why she doesn’t like me, but I don’t like her either, so we are even.

Well anyway, she was seated near us, WHISPERING to her friend/acquaintance/whoever the hell they were and looking at me.
Lady, you were like 3 FREAKING feet away! Not cool! It was fairly noisy in there so I couldn’t hear everything, and to be honest, I can’t even know for sure she was talking about me. Let’s just go with the assumption that she was, mkay?

I’ll not go into everything overheard, let’s just say the words “Oh my gah, how big and fake” were mentioned.
Well, I could have about just peed my pants laughing. Lady, you crack me up. My ladies may not be small, but I guarantee you they would have been a hell of a lot bigger if I had paid for them. I would have paid extra to get the ones that don’t require the support of an industrial strength sports bra so that exercising wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass. (overshare coming, watch out) I also would have gotten the stretch mark free version.  (Ok, stretch marks only visible to me, but still there.)  Trust me, if I paid for them, I would let you know. I would have them jacked up to my chin level at all times.  I would have showed up to the party in a frigging bikini top. I would wear a shirt that said “I Heart My Big Fake Boobs”.

Seriously lady, where do you think I would have gotten the money for this? I am in college.  Which is probably the reason for the size of the ladies anyway. Let’s just say the “freshman 15 30″ went straight to that area. Woo hoo!  So my “boob job” is not the result of silicone, but the result of eating snickers bars during all night study sessions.  I don’t recommend this method  because you can’t really control the flow of fat.  Sure, I ended up with the girls, but I also got a big butt and hips to match.

So Miss Party-Whispering-Lady, you should not talk about people in front of them, especially if you are not a quiet whisperer. Oh, and I heard what you said to that one lady’s husband.

Mind your manners lady.


From The Fishbowl June 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Rachel @ 11:28 am

“And we’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year”-“Wish You Were Here”, Pink Floyd

Happy 3rd Anniversary D. I love you.

Rach and Dan at Opryland





My Sister, The Strange One June 25, 2009

Filed under: life is flippin suh-weet — Rachel @ 6:55 pm

My sister is hilarious. She doesn’t try to be. She just is.  She has this deadpan sense of humor, and a sense of timing that is either horrible or terrific, depending on how you look at it.

She is horrificaly blunt.  She does not say hello when she answers the phone. She says “What?”.  Don’t bother her with chatting. She will ask you what you want. You tell her and move on with your life. Do not expect a long drawn out conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, she is very chatty and personable in person, just not on the phone.

She loves nothing more than to make fun of cheesy local commercials. A few minutes ago we were watching tv and this cheesy rug sale commercial came on, you know, one of those cheesy local commercials where you can tell they probably paid the announcer with a six pack of bud light and a carton of cigarettes? (Not that I’m knocking it, I’ll work for diet coke and a bag of puffy cheetos.)  Well anyway, the annoucer was shrieking about rugs when my sister, totally deadpan,  drops her newspaper and shrieks “OH MY GOD, IT’S RUGS, I’M GOING TO PISS MYSELF!” Maybe it was one of those “you had to be there” type moments, but it was freaking funny.

A few minutes later, when she had picked her newspaper back up, and I went back to watching the news, she all of a sudden says “Isn’t it weird that we have hair growing under our arms? Strange.”

She doesn’t MEAN to be funny with stuff like that, she just is.

Her sense of timing is hilarious. I don’t care if you are watching the saddest movie ever seen,  she might just blurt out some random observation or question.

I’ve been trying to spend more time with my sis, she’s in the military and leaving for boot camp soon.  I can’t believe it, my tiny sissy, the one that I held at the hospital when she was born, off at boot camp.  I still remember when we were small, and how I tortured her to no end. I feel badly about this now, but I think there is some rule somewhere that says big sisters have to torture little sisters. Maybe I read that in the Big Sister’s Manual. Of course, I used to beat her up all the time. That stopped when she beat me up. I never tried again, and I’m still pretty sure she could kick my ass, even though I have a good 4  inches on her and at least 40 lbs. (I’m tall and curvy, she’s small  and wiry, but don’t get me wrong, she can pick me up and lift me off of the floor.)

I will miss my sis when she leaves, my random adventures won’t be the same without her. We always get lost. I remember one time driving around with her (I was maybe 16 or 17, she was 13 or 14)  and with no idea what the other was going to say, blurting out “Where the hell are we?”  Or now,  when we listen to the Ramones and “Blitzkrieg Bop” comes on and we turn it up full blast and sing along.

I think I’m gonna go give her a hug.

And she will probably ask me what I want.