Burning The Souffle

"A Woman Happily In Love, She Burns The Souffle"

Yikes. July 16, 2009

Today, I decided to take a semi-short (not shorter in distance, but at least you don’t have to hit all the traffic lights in town)  cut through a highly populated subdivision near us.  I do this quite a bit, it is a busy road through this neighborhood.  It is a pretty packed place, the houses don’t have much lawn at all, and it is popular with people who don’t want to do a lot of yard work.

Anyway, I was driving through, and I saw 2 little boys playing in some sort of pushcar thing on the sidewalk.

By themselves.

It really unnerved me, they didn’t look older than 5 or 6, and I could see no adult in sight. They WERE in front of a house with the front door (barely)  cracked, but again, no grown-ups in sight. And yes, they WERE on the sidewalk, but this is a BUSY street.  I cannot pass total judgement, because for all I know there was a grown-up who was outside mowing the lawn or something, but again, I did not see anyone. The speed limit is pretty low through there, but that doesn’t mean that someone won’t speed.

I am not trying to judge their parents.  I am not a parent, but my goodness do I know what it is like to be responsible for someone.  I really do get it.  Last summer, I was the sole caregiver in the toddler room…with FIVE toddlers…all under the age of two. For several hours. Everyday. I get that every minute can be “look at me, look at me, look at me” or “I need this, or that”. I get that it can wear on you.  I know, these boys were older than toddlers, so how about my fourth grade class? Fourth graders can barely be trusted to go to the out of sight bathroom without causing mischief …(Don’t believe me?  How about the time that 2 kids decided to “chug” milk at breakfast and then, not surprisingly, puked it all up all over the bathroom…and then neglected to tell anyone. Yeah.)  I get that parents (or anyone exposed to small children for a long period of time, haha) need a little  break.  If the kids had been in the backyard with no adult, I would have thought nothing of it (ok, I am paranoid, I might have, but I would have assumed that someone could see them out of a window). If I had seen 2 little boys sitting on the bench outside the women’s bathroom at Dillard’s, I would have thought nothing of it .  But 2 little boys playing alone (albeit, on a sidewalk) right next to a VERY  busy street? Yeah, I thought something of it.

Maybe I am overreacting. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for kids playing outside, even alone. I just want them to do it in an area where they can be safe.

And to me, alone next to a busy street, is not safe when you are five.


Annoyance Confessional July 15, 2009

Filed under: the internets is cheaper than therapy — Rachel @ 12:17 pm

Do you ever have little, teeny things that bug you? Things that you would feel silly whining about to someone else, but you just feel the need to get it off your chest? Well here is my list! Feel free to add your own annoyances!

1. People who follow too closely, then get pissed off when you turn and they have to slam on their brakes. Yes, Miss-Green-Ford-Focus with the Hawaiian crap on the rearview mirror, I am talking to you; this is the woman who was driving the white foreign car with a college decal and bumper stickers in the rear window, and, oh yes, a SLEEPING INFANT in the backseat. Watch out, you don’t know who might be in front of you. And thanks for that really ladylike gesture you flashed at me, you’re a real peach.

2. People who reward their children for breathing. I kid, I have never actually seen anyone do this, but some people come darn close. Seriously, a reward for being dragged around wal-mart?  A treat for standing in line at the bank?  Come on people! Don’t you ever do things you don’t want to? I do all the time! I do things like taking out the week-old trash that smells like barf (oh wait, it IS barf), cleaning up the backseat where my doggie threw up because I didn’t have the window cracked enough for her (my bad, I really did feel terrible), tackling the 3 foot pile of laundry that haunts my linen closet (Ooo, spooky!), and just the normal everyday things like emptying and reloading the dishwasher, etc. Nobody actually WANTS to do that stuff, but you do it because you have to. No one rewards me for schlepping a cart full of groceries around wal-mart, so why should kids be rewarded for uh, doing nothing?

3. People who have no clue what is an age appropriate gift for a kid.  I realize if you do not have children, or have never been around children, you may be left scratching your head at what to buy little junior the neighbor’s son for his birthday, but how about googling it or asking junior’s parents what he needs? A one year old doesn’t need a box of stationery…(I am not even kidding, someone used that for a present at a party I went to recently…don’t try and say it’s for the parents…the party is for the KID, not the parents.) A four year old cannot play with a chemistry set.  A ten year old probably doesn’t want a “Abby Cadabby” DVD.

4. The teenagers that make out on the side of the walking trail in my town. Uh, gross? What happened to making out in the car or under the bleachers? Uh, not that I ever did that. (Actually, I SO did do that, ah memories!) Anyway, I don’t need to see you playing tonsil hockey while I’m walking my dog.

5. People that purposely show off on same said walking trail. Yes, miss-tiny-pink-sports-bra, you are in shape, we get it.  You don’t have to stop and bend over and huff dramatically after jogging .000000000009ths of a mile.

6. Acne. In your 20s. I thought this would be gone by now…..like, with my teens? (Actually, v. few problems as a teen…hit 20, face breaks out, luckily not horribly, but still annoying.)  Ok, it is really not all that bad, except for the one cyst/nodule thing ON MY CHIN. Go away!  Oh well, at least makeup covers it up. Sort of. (Actually, this may be the result of the acne medicine I was prescribed, apparently you break out worse right after starting new stuff, sort of like getting rid of a year’s worth of pimples in a few months apparently. So hopefully totally clear skin is not that far out of my reach!)

Those are my annoyances of the day.

What are yours?


For the record July 9, 2009

For the record, I am a nice person.

For the record, I am a good friend.

For the record, I am very forgiving.

For the record, I am NOT a doormat.

For the record, if I stop talking to you, there is always a reason why. (Stop pretending you don’t know why, and do us BOTH a favor, OK?)

For the record, I tried. (Even after D and numerous other people told me to just let it go.)

For the record, you did not listen. (At all.)


Don’t Worry, I Know Where He Sleeps June 28, 2009

Filed under: the internets is cheaper than therapy — Rachel @ 10:03 pm

Today was hot. And humid. Not that that is out of the ordinary in Tennessee, but it was hot.

D and I decided to cool off by taking a dip in the pool.

Did I ever tell you that D loves to play all kinds of tricks?

I was happily swimming in the pool, when D all of a sudden STOPS and says “Uh-Oh, I think we have a problem.” This should have alerted me to the fact that he was about to pull some stunt, but you know, being the ever trusting individual that I am, I swam over to see what was the matter. “What’s wrong?” I asked, using my most concerned voice. “Something weird on the bottom of the pool, don’t worry, I’ll get it and see what it is.” he replied, using an equally concerned voice, another clue which should have alerted me to the fact that something fishy was going on, because I should know by now that D does not give a shit about what is on the bottom of the pool. As long as the water’s cool, he’s happy.  I on the other hand, am always unconvinced that the cloudiness of the water is really caused by the messed up sand filter, and instead caused by something more sinister. (I’ve never quite figured out what, but I know it is not good.)

So D goes down to the bottom of the pool, and brings something up in his hand. Something that DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.  Something WITH A TAIL. “It’s a dead mouse!” D yells, rather gleefully.

By this time, I am heading for the pool ladder, with D close behind me.  He grabs me and turns me around, waving it in my face.

I scream bloody murder.

D starts laughing so hard he turns purple.

It was a fucking SEED POD from one of the stupid bushes by the pool.

Oh D, you are so getting it. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but I will get you back.

Maybe you should sleep with one eye open!!!!!!

I have to admit though, it was a pretty good trick. The seed pods are long and round with a “tail” that attatches them to the bush, and they do look a lot like a mouse.

Ok D, good trick, but maybe you should still consider sleeping with one eye open.


I Don’t Think I Got My Money’s Worth…. June 27, 2009

What would YOU do if you suspected someone was talking about your, um decolletage, IN FRONT OF YOU?

I shall set the scene for you.

D and I attended a party recently, and a woman was there that I do not particularly care for. I am always nice and civil to her when I actually see her (which is truly not often) but she does not seem to like me. It’s fine, I don’t like everyone, everyone is not going to like me, I really don’t care. I’m not sure why she doesn’t like me, but I don’t like her either, so we are even.

Well anyway, she was seated near us, WHISPERING to her friend/acquaintance/whoever the hell they were and looking at me.
Lady, you were like 3 FREAKING feet away! Not cool! It was fairly noisy in there so I couldn’t hear everything, and to be honest, I can’t even know for sure she was talking about me. Let’s just go with the assumption that she was, mkay?

I’ll not go into everything overheard, let’s just say the words “Oh my gah, how big and fake” were mentioned.
Well, I could have about just peed my pants laughing. Lady, you crack me up. My ladies may not be small, but I guarantee you they would have been a hell of a lot bigger if I had paid for them. I would have paid extra to get the ones that don’t require the support of an industrial strength sports bra so that exercising wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass. (overshare coming, watch out) I also would have gotten the stretch mark free version.  (Ok, stretch marks only visible to me, but still there.)  Trust me, if I paid for them, I would let you know. I would have them jacked up to my chin level at all times.  I would have showed up to the party in a frigging bikini top. I would wear a shirt that said “I Heart My Big Fake Boobs”.

Seriously lady, where do you think I would have gotten the money for this? I am in college.  Which is probably the reason for the size of the ladies anyway. Let’s just say the “freshman 15 30″ went straight to that area. Woo hoo!  So my “boob job” is not the result of silicone, but the result of eating snickers bars during all night study sessions.  I don’t recommend this method  because you can’t really control the flow of fat.  Sure, I ended up with the girls, but I also got a big butt and hips to match.

So Miss Party-Whispering-Lady, you should not talk about people in front of them, especially if you are not a quiet whisperer. Oh, and I heard what you said to that one lady’s husband.

Mind your manners lady.


Ok, So Maybe I’m Procrastinating June 22, 2009

Filed under: the internets is cheaper than therapy — Rachel @ 12:07 pm

I am supposed to be working on online class material, but I just HAD to get this out there.

My strange dreams are back. If you go to my December 08 archives, you will see that strange dreams had plagued me for several months. I don’t really mind them, it’s just that they’re well, strange.

And VIVID. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t dreamed since December, but I most often dream things that aren’t so vivid. I remember little snatches, but not whole sagas.

And lately, I’ve been dreaming about all things baby, but not in order.

A few days ago, I dreamed I was in the hospital about to give birth, a few days before that, I just dreamed I was pregnant. Last night I dreamed that I found out I was pregnant.  And so on and so forth, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Seriously subconcious, what are you trying to tell me? Is my biological clock starting to tick?

I don’t know.

Although, I will say that these  dreams are infinitely more pleasant than dreaming about being stalked, which was the dream du jour several times back in December.


I’m sure this will offend someone… March 25, 2009

Filed under: the internets is cheaper than therapy,well shit — Rachel @ 7:07 pm

So, since I’m a mega-nerd and such, I keep in touch with a few people on something that rhymes with “High Place”.
And since I’m nosy, I look at their profiles and poke around a bit. (What? It’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do!)

Let me backtrack for a minute, to say that some of the people I am “friends” with on the site, are people that I honestly really don’t know. I mean, not total strangers, but people that I went to high school with that were a few years younger than me, you know, stuff like that. People that I might say hi to in the grocery store, but not people that I would ever call up and tell my deepest darkest secrets to.

So since I’m snooping around on the site….I realized something….like half of these people are married!!!
I mean, honestly, WTF? Let me tell you, if you are younger than me and married…you are too young. Period. That’s just the way I feel. I mean, these people are like 18 and 19….sorry, but I just think that is too young to tie the knot. I’ve been with D since I was alllllmost 18 and we still haven’t tied the knot. We want to, we’re going to, and I can’t wait, but honestly, if we had gotten married when I was 18, we would probably have driven each other crazy by now. (Example: When I was 18, I thought a good way to get back at him was to lock him out of the bathroom…what a shining example of maturity….) (Now I just lock him out of the house altogether…KIDDING!!!!)
Not that I think I am the perfect example of matrimonial maturity, because I am most definitely not, but still…D and I have been together for about 3 years now. We know each other. We’ve struggled together. We’ve been through a lot. Our dating life has not consisted on him picking me up on dates from mom and pop’s house and then having to have me home by 10 on the weekends and maybe talking on the phone on the weekdays. Our dating life has consisted of me going to school all the freaking time, D working all the freaking time, and then passing out on the couch together when we get home. ( I kid. Sometimes we pass out while we’re still eating dinner.)
Seriously though, we’ve stuck together through a lot. Who am I to judge, but dating THE SAME BOY for six months doesn’t automatically equal get married. No, I think you have to struggle a little bit beforehand. I’m glad we’ve waited. I feel like it will be more meaningful when we do finally get married, because we’ve worked so hard to get to that point.
So my advice for you lusty matrimony mad teens?
Shack up.
(Because hey, if it doesn’t work out, the only paperwork that will be involved is maybe taking someone’s name off the lease.)