I talk to my dog like she is a person. This causes my family to LAUGH at me, and tell me that she probably understands key words, but the rest of it sounds like the adults in Peanuts cartoons. ( You know, “wah-wah-wah”.)
Me: “Mayzie, stop that barking and get in this house!”
Mayzie: Looks at me for a moment, as if thinking “Who says I have to listen to YOU?” then apparently remembers who doles out the treats around here, and runs into the house.
Me: Looking at whoever is around, smugly. “See?! I TOLD you that she understands.”
Me: “What is in your mouth? Come here!”
Mayzie: Plods over to the couch, treasure still in mouth.
Me: ” It’s a piece of stuffing from your stuffed animal. Give it to me.” Holds hand under dog’s mouth.
Mayzie: Looks at me. Continues holding stuffing in mouth. You can tell she is thinking “No. I tore this out all by myself, and I will continue to hold the evidence of my hard work securely in my mouth. You, on the other hand, will just throw it in the kitchen trash.”
Me: “Fine, if that’s the way you’re going to be, I’ll just take it.”
(I took it out of her mouth, and she turned away from me, pouting “You took my prize.”)
Me: “You need a bath stinky stinky girl! Want to take a bath? A bath?”
Mayzie: Runs like hell in the opposite direction.
See? I told you she was smart.
Me, reading the paper: “Mayzie-Jane, what should we do about the economy? What do you think girl?
Mayzie: Cocks her head to the side. (Along with the rest of America.)
While watching tv:
Me: “Look Mayzie girl! That’s Barack Obama! He’s going to become the President on January 20th! Aren’t you excited?”
Mayzie: Thumps her tail wildly. Maybe she loves our next president as much as I do, or maybe he just looks like someone who might have a few treats in his pocket, like every other person in her life. Either way, her reaction was correct. We are both VERY excited.